Guilt Trips- One MIserable Vacation.

As a quick prequel to this post i would like to first recognize and alert that there is a strong change i will sound like a complete hyporcite throughout this entire thought. And that is fair. The subject is something i struggle with daily. But i think that is why God has placed in my heart recently. It's something He wants me to see and realize so here it goes, my risk at sounding like a utter jerk. There have been many times in my life that i have messed up and instead of dealing or apologizing i would simply internalize the problem. I would wallow in the sin for months without asking for help or fixing the original situation. I would push myself to keep it all in, to the point of depression and exhaustion. All for many reasons. Sometimes sadly, my pride. Sometimes honestly, because i don't want to be anyone's problem. Sometimes, because i felt like i had to be strong for everyone else (whoever that was). But many times this all could have been prevented with a simple apology and the ability to move on. So why do we guilt trip ourselves?? Why do we allow our cousciences to beat us down?? Because we want to feel balanced. Yes, i sound crazy, but i believe that is a huge part of what it is. We want to punish ourselves. Deep down we KNOW the right people would forgive us. And we KNOW that God would. But that isn't good enough for us. We can't except that sin we committed that seems so HUGE is just.. GONE. We have to make it bigger than that. Because it feels bigger. So we wallow and we hurt and we cry, because we think that's what we deserve. Or on the other side of the spectrum we feel that we can't apologize. Guilt trips may make us feel balanced, but they are internal. They don't show sorrow or regret. And they certainly don't show anyone that you are through with the sin you are stuggling with. I cannot name you the times i have guilted myself into doing something. Whether good or bad. I have let myself sin because i thought, "Well this must be WHO i am because this is what i DO." And labelled myself with my mistakes. And on the other side i have worked myself into exhaustion before, refusing to say no with volunteer hours and extra curriculars because i felt like i was doing so much bad i needed to do good just to even it all out. Guilt trips are counter productive. And they are far from what God wants. I think one beautiful aspect of God that we as humans simply CANNOT grasp is his ability to forgive and forget. Yes, we have been taught since we were young that he forgives, and that is wonderful in itself, but do we truly understand and remember that he FORGETS?? If i ask forgiveness today for disobeying, He forgives it. And when i bring it up again tomorrow, He will have no IDEA what i am talking about. Isn't that great?? We humans are not that amazing. We simply don't have that ability. Things are always going to be engrained in our minds and certain people are always going to remind us of certain things, there is no avoiding that. But with God, once you ask, He is done. Your slate is completely whiped clean. I believe in a righteous God. One that expects certain things from us. But i do not believe that God wants us to sit around making ourselves miserable. Even if He didnt love us as He says He does, guilting ourselves out of His work is not strengthening His kingdom. Stop feeling threatened by your sins. Stop letting the Devil bring them up everytime you want to do something good. A guilt trip is a trip down the road to sin. Hold your head high and know that you are FORGIVEN. That's what I'm going to do. :)