Getting a little bit stronger..

All my life, i have always had an overwhelming belief in people. In humans. A belief that deep down inside, even when the person themselves may be unaware, there is a longing to do good. A burning inside our mortal souls to be kind and give back. Some call me naive. Some call me childish. Some call it wishful thinking. But no matter how many times i am told i am wrong, i find a case that makes me right. I truly believe that everyone is capable of loving, and being loved in return. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. And i believe that if you take the time to believe in the good of people, you wont be dissapointed. All it takes is an open mind and heart and the willingness to care and learn about someone else. I have been referred to, as a term of endearment, as a "scum magnet". I befriend those that would otherwise not have any because i feel the duty to do so. I can't remember a time i didnt do this. Even when i was little, in kindergarten and such, i would look for the kid that was sitting alone and think, "There! That is going to be my friend today." And that seems to continue today. Somehow, i seem to attract people that need my help. And not because they looked for me of searched me out to help them, but because we happened upon each other and they needed something. And i love to give. I try to give anything i have to offer. Sometimes it's love and sometimes its attention. Sometimes its a friend and sometimes its just a shoulder to cry on for the day. And though i never find joy in others pain, i love the feeling of knowing that im comforting someone. That my precense in this world is acutally meaning something to someone else. I love knowing that God put me somewhere to do this work, and seeing it unfold before my eyes. But here is the problem. What happens when i get in too deep?? What happens when the comfortee need comforting?? If you are the strong one in every relationship, who do you have to lean on?? It hurts me more than anything to look at someone and have to admit to myself that i cant help them. But i cant. I cant help everyone and i cant solve everyones problems. Because believe it or not i have problems of my own. I think admitting this has been one of the hardest things for me. Seeing someone suffereing and having to remove myself from the situation because i am not emotionally strong enough. I would much rather dive in. Think nothing of myself and care for this poor person that needs someone. But occasionally, you have to think of yourself. And do what's healthy and best for you. Often i am reminded of the difficult scene in the Notebook when Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are fighting in his driveway. Rachel's character has just realized her fiancee is in town and now has to make a huge decision on which love to go with. At this point she is leaving to explain things to her fiancee without any clue as to who she is choosing. She makes the statment the no matter who she chooses someone will get hurt. And Ryan Gosling is angered by this. He tells her to stop thinking about everybody else and do what's best for HER. I can't imagine doing that. Removing all the variables of a situation and just thinking about YOU. But maybe that's safest. Maybe that would be best. If we removed all variables and did what was best for us individually. Not selfishly, but did for us what was healthy for us.  One of my dear friends Delisa introduced a song to me at a very difficult time in my life. And the title of my blog is a phrase from this song, "A Little Bit Stronger." This is definately a phrase that snapshots my life right now. I have had many devestations within the past year but i have come to terms with them and dealt with my demons. And now i am just getting stronger. With every breathe i take. I am living for the Lord and it has been a beautifully freeing experince. Right now, I'm having to focus on me. Completely and totally. Baby feeding myself everyday just so i get a little bit stronger. As painful as this is, i know this is the Lord's challenge to me. So here it begins. A blog on my journey to strength. Hold on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. :)