11 letters, BIG meaning.

Forgiveness. It is not a terribly long word. Eleven letters is hardly spelling bee worthy, and it is fairly easy to spell at that. The pronunciation is relativelly simple. It is not a word with multiple meanings, and when using it in a sentence it is always in the same context. It is not even that difficult to define. Forgiveness is a noun, meaning the act of forgiving, disposition or willingness to forgive. And forgive is a verb meaning to grant one pardon of a sin or transgression, to cease to feel resentment towards, to cancel liability of. But knowing the definition of a word has nothing to do with understanding the principle of it. Forgiveness, though easy in some aspects, is probably the most difficult word to acutally grasp and understand. And even further, to practice. Whenever forgiveness comes into play there is always someone that has been hurt. And we as humans, hate to be hurt. We hate to feel weak. We hate to deal with the pain of a situation. So we put up walls. We put up walls of anger and resentment and hate as opposed to dealing with the pain we have been caused. Many times, our hate is a false hatred. We do not hate the person, we hate the hurt and it is easier to block it out with anger than it is to cope. I think the sign of true forgiveness is not having to have an apology. But that is not how we are built. We want to HEAR that someone is sorry before we even THINK about forgiving them. But that is not how forgiveness is to be used. Forgiveness in reality, has nothing to do with the actual apology. Forgiveness is to be granted regardless, it is not to be contingient on the other person's actions. I say this lightly, but i don't think i am suggesting this is easy. It is an incredibly hard skill that is something you have to learn and master within your heart. But i will say, last night i got an apology. An apology i had waited on for two years. And the most beautiful part, was not the apology, the most beautiful part was leaving that room and realizing, that i was fine without it. That i had forgiven him regardless. I appreciated it of course, but i felt such a warmth in my heart to know that i was already done before i even entered that room. I couldn't tell you why. It could be the hours of prayer i sent to God. It could be the counscelling sessions. It could be the preperation. But i think that most of all, it was this. Whenever i think of great stories of forgiveness i think of the slave in Matthew chapter 18 verses 21-35. To put a Biblical story in human terms, a man owed the bank a million dollars. But when the bank called him and asked him where the money was, he fell to their feet begging for forgiveness. And the bank felt mercy upon him and told him that his debt was forgiven. The man then percedes to hunt down a man that worked for him, we will say a gardener. He grabbed the gardener by the throat and demanded the man pay him back the simple hundred dollars the gardener owed him. When the gardener had no way to pay the man, he threw him in jail and refused to release him until the debt was paid. Well the bank heard of this and called the man back in. Upon asking the man if the rumors were true the bank became infuriated and yelled at the man saying, "You wicked man, I cancelled all the debt because you begged me to. Shouldn't you then have had mercy on your fellow servent as i had on you??" I have made many mistakes in my life. I have sinned against many people. So if people can look at me, someone who has sinned against everyone in my life, and forgive me.. Who am i not to forgive someone of one trangression?? I have a list from here to China of all the things Jesus Christ nailed on that cross for me. I am the servant with a million dollars to pay. So who would i be if i turned around and strangled someone for the little "debt" they owe me?? I have realeased the hate in my heart. I have found strength within myself that i wasn't aware i had. And oh the burden that has been lifted from my shoulders. I wish everyone could feel the peace that is within my heart. If we all just learned to turn our hurt and hatred over to God and learned to forgive, TRULY forgive, our lives could be so much easier. The last thing i need on my list of trasgressions, is not being able to forgive. Because we as people are all simply, fellow God-made sinners.